The World I Know
Written By: Leia Jolene A. Ekstrom

My hands are shaking like autumn leaves in a hurricane. My palms are sweaty. I'm breathing hard. And I'm thinking " My God, what am I doing?!"  This is what I've always wanted, my own column. Boy, I feel out of my league. Here I am, a fifteen year old girl, with no real writing experience and who can't spell and who has dyslexia. What am I going to write? What should I write? Should I even let myself write this? After all, who am I to live dream like this?  " I can't let Greg down," I think, " even more so, I can't let myself down." So to calm myself ( after already having had a mental break down when Greg asked me if I wanted to have my own column!) I step out side onto the sun scorched porch. It was too hot standing in the sun, so I made a dash for the car port, the cement path burned my bare feet.

From under the car ports shade I looked around me, remembering what this yard used to look like. It was nothing but dirt; hard,sandy, rocky, dusty, dried-up dirt. And where there should have been a lawn stood an ugly tree stump, sorta' like a bullseyes around a wart. But now before my eyes I see a green lawn ( no stump) Hollyhocks lined up against the chainlink fence that keeps our six dogs within the back yard, Morning Glories climbing up the trellis, two Memosa trees, Irises of every color and shade, bright Lilies and a Pussy Willow, and threes rose bushes of assorted colors. Then remembering how much work Mother put into the whole thing I wondered why.

After a moment of silence I look north, where my three horses ( Sweet Wylliam, Penny, and dear ol' Mr. Pachee Appaloosa ) stand sleeping in the sun. My thought drift to Penny, the twenty year old Quarter Horse mare. We've had her for close to two years, but it seems longer. When we first got her she was a malnourished, abused, unloved, and mistreated sour old mare who hated any and all people....including yours truly. I wanted to change the way she viewed us humans, but I found out the hard way that it was not just a matter of sweet talkin' her, for I can't even remember how many times she bloodied my nose, ran me over, smacked me, pushed me and drug me while I tried to make friends. So being really nice to Penny didn't work. So I came up with showing her I was boss. That wasn't easy, for she is 1100 pounds of lean muscle, and wasn't about to give in. But after lots of work, she found out I was a fair person and that she did have to respect me, but at the same time I showed her respect. Now that I was boss I had to become her friend. Once again we took up arms, and once again we had no use for our weapons.

These days Penny, who's attitude was " Leave me alone!"is that of a puppy dog: the horse just wont leave me be! She's always in what I'm doing, always wanting to be with me or whoever just so happens to be in her sight.(If only people changed so quickly!)

And to think every one kept telling me that she'd never change, that she was better off as a cheap rent-a-horse some where. After all, who but a professional trainer ( maybe) could retain a twenty year-old mare, who was abused and misused all of her life?

They all said I was crazy, but to me there was no other choice, this mare and I had to learn to be friends. Even though I hated her and she hated me. But now look at us-best buddies! Who would have thought? " I'm glad I kept at it," I think, " But I think she taught me more than I could ever have taught her!" I laugh. Then thinking, I realize why Mother slaved over her garden: it wasn't that she knew is would grow, or that it was easy, but it was because she  had to-for whatever reason, she had too. And look what she's created---an oasis!

Suddenly I get the answer to why I kept Penny: I had to make something happen between us.....I had too....for both of us....and we both came out with a new out look on life.... But, hey, this crazy desert home of mine is the world I know!

(The point is, people, don't give up, some things are worth working for!)

Yours truly,

Leia J. A.

The World I Know

The Change

Yesterday Princesses Diana died in a car accident in France. She will missed terribly by the public and by her family, mostly by her two boys I think. I extend to them my deepest sympathies and my prayers are with them in this time of great distress.

This proves that every thing changes. In the past two months a great many things have changed, some for the better, some for the worse, but things HAVE changed. Some changes have been trivial while others tremendous, some changes have had little effect on certain people, while others have devastated entire families. The world changes daily for each of us, some times however, the changes are so tiny and unobtrusive that we they do not register in our minds, it is as though they did not happen.

In the past two months since Greg (Anarchy) brought my column to his magazine my life has changed drastically! For   starters, my parents broke up, my dad has a girl friend, my mother freaked out, I decided to go back to school ( a junior college/high school actually) we might be moving soon, I might loose my beloved horses, my dear friend Jenny Owens ( remember her from the third issue of the 'zine?) got back together and now call each other at least once a day and will be attending the same college next semester. Among other things, my grandfathers old dog, Patches, died, we were given a abandoned kitten ( who is now thriving!) I got injured, Tara James (remember her from the third issue of the 'zine?) just left for college, and I found out one of my best friends, Kelly Porto, who by the time you read this will have turned 16, is three months pregnant. I also found out that Kelly's brother, Travis. whom I am very close to, is suffering from his sitters mistake as well as the rest of the family.

NOTE: Kelly recently got off of drugs and alcohol, and is very Unstable and apparently doesn't care what happens to her baby. She will be living with her Father here in California, and if she does not obey the rules and straighten up, she'll ( and I Quote ) " be put into the system". Let us pray that Kelly gets her head on straight and gets her Act together, let us also pray for the life of Kelly's baby.

As you can see, my life HAS changed. What about you? What has changed For you in the past two months? Some of you have lost a beloved friend or family member, some of you have gained a friend or family member. Maybe you gave birth, maybe you just lost a child. Maybe you adopted a dog or cat from the shelter, maybe you just lost your beloved pet. Maybe you left for college, maybe you came home. Maybe you got married, maybe you got divorced. Maybe you lost your home, or maybe you just bought your first house. Maybe you just fell in love, or perhaps you just broke up with someone.

Whatever has happened to you has changed some thing, maybe you?

Some one once said nothing ever changes, I've just proved to you Every thing changes. Be a little more aware of the changes going on around you, look for the little tiny purple flowers that grow between the cracks of the sidewalk, make time for your children and/or family, you don't know what tomorrow may bring, so don't put off 'til tomorrow what can be done today.

Change can really hurt you, so be strong, and remember, life's about
changing, nothing ever stays the same.

I end this months column with a few sayings I once heard:

If you truly want to understand something, try to change it.

A change, like sunshine, it can be a friend or foe, a blessing or a
curse, a dawn or a dusk.

...how true


God bless and take care!!!!

Yours Truly,


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