06/17/2003 11:51 pm

Where are we?

I last argued the purpose of pre-destination. Do I still believe? It is a difficult task. Even now I am unsure. This is a time of great upheaval. What can we believe in – my strength in anti-religion declines – but the belief in the afterlife continues. I finally managed to try to imagine life without me the other day.

Have you tried it?

I try to imagine that my conscience is dead? That my thought process stops. That my existence stops. That the train of the very thought that I prescribe to everyday stopped.

That was some scary shit.

Try it. It is almost incomprehendable.

I used to think in the very scientific. That I could prove why there was no god. Why we had no real rational reason to explain him/her. That I proved why we had to believe in it. Belief was troublesome for me. Yet as I grow older….

I went to two weddings last year, where dedicated atheists stood before god and proclaimed their love. What the fuck?

I myself nearly tied the wedding vows. Yet it turned inside, the wormed turned that I didn’t love this woman… and that is important.

Yet the other two, in almost fear abandoned their values for the belief of god. Maybe it was for the other, but I have a better idea

It is INSURANCE. What do you have to lose? You Can’t prove it doesn’t exist. However, at the end of the day, it is a kind of slavery. Submitting yourself to the values and beliefs of something that you can’t prove. What do you have to lose? Take out insurance for something you can’t prove… Yet should you be right?

I am paganistic in view. Yet I prescribe to this through free thought. Not some industry. I Need something, not like before where I proved I needed nothing.

Times have changed my friends. As older I become, fear of death grips me….. So I begin to mellow and try to contemplate death. Death is not something that attacks the older…. But me now and so, I try to believe in something, the most believable thing for the atheist or agnostic, who knows what the fuck I am…….

Lies are another chapter… Many lies from the old circle…….. Will cross soon.

David R. White
Writings of Atropos

"As long as the thought continues, as long as the wheel of the mind keeps turning, we will never sink into Oblivion." From Oblivion Issue one here.